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About Deviant rougekohlMale/Philippines Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
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ok.

you might want to ignore this and move on. i just want to have an outlet. please.

i am going to vent and allow myself to be bitter for a bit. i think it is important to acknowledge what you feel and not suppress it. i will not allow this to consume and control me though. but for the moment, this is my current state and context.

when i got my heart broken due to a breakup, i went spiraling down with despair. it was a dark, dark place and time in my life. it took me what felt like ages before i could climb out of that pit and state that i am ok. so i tried putting myself out there. get myself back on my feet. stay positive. get back on track. you know.

so i got asked out on dates. and...let's just say they were not successful.

the first one said i was not hot enough to be a trophy boyfriend. he wanted someone more model-like.
the second said he needed someone for a rebound.
the third said he wanted to make someone jealous.
the fourth said he just wanted a roll in the hay.

and i will not regale you with all the gory details. but the list goes on.

what i found frustrating was the fact that i was treating all these interactions with an open heart and mind. always making sure to be respectful. i trusted in the belief that everyone has the capacity to be good. and that if i show them goodness, goodness will return to me. i strived to be the kind of person i wanted to attract. i was working on the belief that i had...have...a lot of love to give. and was ready to receive a lot of love too.

but sadly this did not happen.

i'm in a bad place at the moment. at the back of my mind i know this state is only temporary.

i'm trying to understand why i allowed these to happen to me? perhaps there IS something wrong with me because why would i find myself in situations like these? so how do i correct it?

but at the moment, i kinda feel like...maybe this whole love/relationship thing isn't really meant for me? you know?

maybe i really am just meant to be a toy for others? maybe i have a sign painted all over me saying: play with me! use me!

but deep inside i know that's not me.

tsk.

outpouring of drama over.

*sigh

deviantID

rougekohl
Philippines

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:iconmakoyuki:
makoyuki Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for the watch :D
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:iconrougekohl:
rougekohl Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2015
you're welcome! ;) :*
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:iconlookingup123:
LookingUp123 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2015
Thank you for the watch. :)
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:iconrougekohl:
rougekohl Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2015
welcome! wink grin wink :P :wink kiss: wink 
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:iconmiki-mochi:
miki-mochi Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2014
Thank you Rougekohl ~ salmon heart bullet 
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:iconrougekohl:
rougekohl Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2015
whatever for? I am a dummy!

errr... welcome? lolz! :) (Smile) 
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:iconkukkiisart:
KukkiisArt Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Thankyouuu for watching :heart:
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:iconrougekohl:
rougekohl Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2014
welcome! ;3
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:iconla-tete-ailleurs:
La-Tete-Ailleurs Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2014
Thanks for the :+fav: ! :)
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:iconrougekohl:
rougekohl Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2014
welcome! ;3
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